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Successful Dating
By Nancy Van Pelt
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| Photo: Stock.xchng |
Dear Nancy: It's not asking a girl out that bothers me; it's where to take her. I always fall back on the same thing—a movie and something to eat. I find such dates boring and I'm afraid the women do also. I'm a well-educated businessman who is reasonably successful. I enjoy sports and work out regularly, but I have trouble maintaining relationships over a long period. What's wrong with me?
Dear Businessman: Nothing major, just your choice of activities. There are two kinds of dates—and I'm not talking about good ones and bad ones! Sign up for some date coaching!
There are spectator dates: going to movies, plays, concerts and sports events, or watching TV or listening to music. Spectator dates are popular especially early in a relationship. They’re low stress because they don’t involve trying to keep the conversation going. Furthermore, everyone knows how to “spectate”—just sit and watch. On the down side, spectator dates defeat the main purpose of dating, which is getting to know one another. Watching others perform allows little time for interaction. And spectator dates can also be expensive.
A second type of date, the participation date, involves activities: playing miniature golf or tennis, canoeing, sailing, hiking, visiting a museum or a zoo, doing crafts projects together. Participating together in an activity encourages the expression of creative abilities, reaffirms feelings or worth, usually costs less, and allows a couple to explore likes and dislikes. Each can develop skills and abilities as well as gain insights into the other. Such dates are seldom boring.
However, participation dates require creativity and initiative. For many, planning an activity requires more effort than they're willing to give. Some people are too self-conscious to participate in such dates as they fear they don't have what it takes to make themselves look good.
Your date life has appeared boring because it was boring. You can spend money to make a date unforgettable, but you don’t have to do that. Spice it up with some participation. Here are some ideas. Play table tennis, croquet, horseshoes, or go rollerblading, bike riding, jogging or hiking. Make ice cream, bake homemade bread, or plan and cook a gourmet dinner. Or explore a new town, go picture taking, collect shells on a beach, pass out Christian literature, or visit a nursing home. Spice up your date life with some participation dates. You'll have more fun and get to know your date better. Then, let me hear from you after you're married!
* For more help on dating read: Smart Love—A Field Guide for Single Adults.
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