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 One True Thing By Diane E. Robertson
But after we had our daughter, Amy, I sprouted values. One on them was that I wanted her to have a spiritual foundation. I began bringing her to Children’s Church when she turned three years of age, and it wasn’t long before I began volunteering there. When I learned that they offered child care at the Tuesday Morning Women’s Bible Study, I began attending that too. “Bible-thumping Olivia,” Seth chanted when Amy and I returned home after church. “I wish you’d come too, Seth. Don’t you want us to be a family?” “We are a family, Olivia. Don’t hand me that guilt trip.” He shook his head in disgust. “You’re the one who’s messing us up.” I could see that he felt threatened, so I kept quiet. I was going through my own confusion. How long would it take him to realize that my newfound passion for God wasn’t just a temporary phase? Wanda, a new friend from the Tuesday morning group told me, “The Bible teaches that the husband is the head of the family, and we wives are to be submissive.” “What does that mean?” I pictured Seth yelling orders at me, while I cowered in the corner. Wanda continued, “Our husbands are the decision-makers, while we are the help-mates.” That didn’t give me much relief. “What happens when we disagree on core values?” “You mean like the Lord?” I nodded yes. “If you have a personal relationship with Jesus, but Seth doesn’t, then you must be an example of Christ’s love, so that he will want to check out our Savior. Remember this though, God is our first love. Our husbands come second.” I became extra sweet and kind to Seth, and cooked all his favorite meals, like vegetable casserole, spaghetti with mushrooms, and Boston Cream Pie. “I’m getting fat,” he told me one night as he helped himself to a second piece of pie and topped it with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. An hour later he said, “Come watch television with me, Sweetie.” All I wanted to do was read the Bible, but I didn’t dare. Instead I sat and watched shows that now bored me. Seth seemed joyous, and I hadn’t seen him like that in a while. Model the love of Jesus, I repeated silently to myself. Soon I began sneaking downstairs after midnight to spend quality time with Jesus. Peace flooded me every time I settled in my Lazy-Boy recliner with my Bible and cup of peppermint tea. After reading for a while, I’d get down on my knees and pray. When I returned to bed an hour later, I would find Seth snoring, and Amy tucked snug in her bed. I often felt like I was cheating on my husband. It became increasingly difficult to share my deepest thoughts, concerns and challenges with him. Emotionally, we were on two different planets. One night while I was settled in my recliner and deep into the Word, I heard a noise. I looked up to see Seth tiptoeing down the stairs. He didn’t look happy when he asked, “What are you doing?” Then he glanced at my Bible. “I knew you were up to no good.” He turned and bolted up the stairs. My first instinct was to race after him and ask for forgiveness, but the Lord urged me to use wisdom. I stayed and prayed, knowing I had done nothing wrong. I remembered what Wanda had said. God is our first love. I finally went upstairs to find my husband sleeping in the guest room. I left him there, knowing there would be no truce tonight. Maybe the dawn’s light would give him a fresh perspective. But that was not to be. My relationship with The Lord had created a wedge between Seth and me. Two days later he still wouldn’t speak to me. “What’s wrong with Daddy?” Amy asked. “He’s not feeling well, honey.” I tried everything I could think of, short of begging Seth to dialogue with me. First of all, I became extra cheerful. Then I styled my hair and put on makeup for him, dressed in my best casual clothes, and prepared scrumptious meals. I felt like a domestic wonder woman around the house as I cleaned and organized so well that Amy came in and said, “Mommy, I can’t find my Teddy Bear.” Four days later, my husband began to treat me like a human being again, but he wouldn’t discuss the burden on my heart. To keep the peace, I tried to read my Bible during the day while Seth was at work, but it was difficult with Amy around. Eventually I returned to my midnight schedule. Seth hasn’t confronted me again, but as time goes by, I see that I am not making a positive impact on him. I continue to do my best to be a blameless example of Christ’s love; still we have drifted further apart. Knowing that divorce is not an option, I made an appointment to meet with Pastor this week. I don’t know what the future holds, but God does. I pray that there’s some way to remain true to Jesus and happily married to Seth. ______________________________ Diane E. Robertson is a freelance writer living in Venice, FL. All rights reserved © 2007 AnswersForMe.org. Click here for content usage information. |
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