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How to Plan a Wedding (And Maintain Your Sanity)
By Erika Hueneke
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| Photo: Stockxpert |
A friend of mine recently got engaged, so I went to buy a card to congratulate her. One of the first cards I picked up said, “White or ivory? Indoors or out? Band or DJ?” The inside read, “Congrats on your engagement. Try not to stress.”
The card made me roll my eyes a little, but its message was telling. In this culture, wedding planning has become an untamed beast. But you don’t have to let it get the best of you. Take a deep breath, relax, and check out the following pointers for how to organize the big day—without losing your mind.
So he popped the question! What’s the first thing to do?
Make a Guest List
Believe it or not, your primary order of business is to make a guest list. “The guest list must come first, because many of the wedding expenses are tied to taking care of things for the guests like food and drink,” says Susan Southerland, president of Florida-based Just Marry!, Inc., whose wedding-planning services have been featured on the Style Network’s Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?
The number of guests you have will influence everything—from where you can comfortably hold the wedding and reception, to how many invitations you’ll have to send out, to how many favors you’ll need to make. Then, once you have a guest list, you can…
Establish a budget
This is painful but necessary. Find out how much, if any, Mom and Dad and any other contributors are planning to donate, and work out what you’ve got to work with. Then prioritize—figure out the aspects of the event that are most important to you and your future mate, and plan to splurge on those, while reigning yourselves in on less important parts.
Leslie Ludy, who co-wrote the book, A Perfect Wedding: Inviting the Author of Romance to Make Your Day Beautiful, with her husband Eric, emphasizes the importance of clear communication in regard to the wedding budget. “Sitting down together and coming up with a plan ahead of time will cut down on stress and potential conflict during the process,” she says. “It also keeps you from getting caught up in the pressure of the wedding industry selling you on things you don’t really need! The most beautiful weddings aren’t the most expensive ones, but the ones in which the beauty of the couple’s love is showcased.”
Make a To-Do List
From here, make a to-do list, outlining all the tasks—big and small—that need to happen before the big day, as well as deadlines. Most bridal magazines include such lists; then you can personalize them to reflect your event. These lists will typically identify the time sensitivity of each item (for example, dress shopping comes early, since bridal shops often need months to fulfill orders and make alterations.)
Create a Wedding Notebook
Another helpful way to get organized is to create a wedding notebook. “Get a loose-leaf binder, and put everything from notes to contracts to photos of things you like inside of it,” says Southerland. Many bookstores sell fancy versions of these “planners,” but a homemade version works just as well.
Communication is Key
While being organized and thinking ahead are a good start, communication is key. Talk with your fiancé about preferences, likes and dislikes, roles and responsibilities, expectations, invitation wording—everything. “Many of the communication habits you establish during your pre-marriage relationship will be carried into your marriage,” says Ludy. “It’s crucial to build healthy communication habits during this season.”
Recruit Assistance and Delegate
Once you’re on the same page, you can begin checking items off your to-dos. But—and this is a big but—don’t do it alone! Recruit assistance and delegate. Enroll the help of your bridesmaids, your family, your close friends and the sweet little old ladies at church. After all, reminds Ludy, “Family and friends are witnesses to the covenant you make on your wedding day. They are meant to play a very significant role in keeping you accountable to your vows.” If they can handle a job that massive, they can certainly deal with tying bows, addressing envelopes and running errands.
Choose Quality Vendors
Many of the major decisions you’ll be making early on in the process involve choosing quality vendors—a cake baker, a photographer, a florist and so on. Southerland has two rules in this arena.
Number one: Be honest. “Good vendors are professionals whose main interests are in helping the couple make their wedding day successful,” she says. “If the couple shares their spending parameters with the vendor upfront, he may be able to help the couple get the best possible service for their money.”
And number two: Be critical. “It’s not enough to check references provided by the vendor. Ask your wedding location and other brides about the reliability of a particular professional. And follow your instincts. If something sounds too good to be true or something just doesn’t feel right, listen to your inner voice.”
As the planning ball starts rolling and the pieces of the puzzle begin to come together, you can easily get caught up in the details and forget what’s at the core of your wedding—the lifelong, committed relationship into which you’re entering with the love of your life. More important than the bridesmaids’ gowns or the reception playlist is the marriage that the wedding will commence.
With this in mind, be sure to include pre-marital counseling on your to-do list. “Have a respected pastor or couple give counsel, support, prayer and practical ways to prepare spiritually and emotionally for marriage,” Ludy advises. The Ludys also recommend their book, The First 90 Days of Marriage, which is tailor-made for the engaged season.
Make it Meaningful
In addition, don’t use some canned recitation at the altar—infuse your ceremony with meaning. The Ludys suggest shaping your own wedding vows, taking Holy Communion together and giving family members a special thank you or place of honor during the ceremony. “If you’re musical,” offers Ludy, “consider writing or singing a song to your spouse. Eric and I both wrote songs for each other that were played during the ceremony.”
Southerland says incorporating family traditions into the wedding celebration is the current trend. “By including items that are very personal, it ensures that the bride and groom’s personalities and style come across.”
Armed with these tips, you’re on your way to planning a beautiful, memorable wedding without pulling your hair out. Inevitably, however, you’ll have a couple breakdowns leading up to the event. With so much emotion and preparation involved in one day, how could you not? But through it all, try to keep it in perspective.
“Don’t buy into the stress and frenzy of getting all the small details perfect,” says Ludy. “Spend more time building your relationship and preparing to be an excellent husband or wife than on anything else. And if things go wrong, find a sense of humor in it! I got bright red lipstick on my white dress just moments before walking down the aisle, and we still laugh about it.”
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