I Need Light

By Amber Aqui

Photo by Alexander Annonkov, Flickr Commons

Everyday I wake up to that annoying whine of my alarm, press it as many times as I can without being late to take part in my morning routine… rush into my clothes, do regular get ready things, and then jump in my car and rush off to school.

I space out for the next hour and a half.

Next thing I know the bell rings, telling me it’s time for the next class, I gather my things together, and start heading down the hall, faces fly past me in a blur of colors, the voices all mix together, and I interpret all of the noise to just a low hum, maybe I run into a couple bodies, I don’t know who, so I just brush it off, and keep dodging the rest of them. All I’m trying to do is get to my seat before the next bell rings, telling me I made it in time.

I find myself doing this same sort of routine, way too often.

I’m sure some of you can relate to being so caught up in the "routine” of our lives that we really don’t take the opportunity to just take a deep breath for a second…to stand back and really look over and appreciate everything around us.

It’s so easy to just simply exist in this world, to be physically present from day to day, but maybe not mentally or emotionally. But what we need to do is not just exist, but actually live.

Wake Up to Life

A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with seasonal depression. Some days are worse than others, but especially when winter rolls around, I have the tendency to slip into a sort of unconsciousness about the things and people around me.

The doctor suggested light therapy, so on my desk at home, I have this light box about two feet tall and one foot wide, I am supposed to sit in front of it, for 30 minutes a day. It is so bright, it gives people who aren’t used to it headaches, but I’m so deprived of “light” that it’s necessary for me to turn it on. 

However, I don’t always do this.

Why? Because I don’t “have time,” and by neglecting it, it’s even easier for me to just want to sleep all the time and not live my life to the fullest. 

Lately I have been really thinking about how valuable each second of my life is. This applies to all of us.

I often question myself “are you happy with who you are today? Are you making the most of your life?”

If that means finding the time to sit in front of my light for thirty minutes, then that’s where I need to start.

All I know is that this box works for me for me during the dark days, until spring comes and the sun starts to shine, but a light box can’t fix everything. Not even close! I am the one who has to make the choice to maintain consciousness. I have to make the choice to find what I really need, which is not just physical light…but the light and hope that God offers to give every day.